


(When I'm Alone) I'd Rather Be With You

by Hcpelesshcney



Series: Snow Days verse [2]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Confessions, Jonah Beck is LITERALLY only in here for like a paragraph, Love Confessions, M/M, Snow, accidental dates, but it be like that sometimes, he only says it once bUT LET HIM SAY IT, let tj say fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hcpelesshcney/pseuds/Hcpelesshcney
Summary: He’s tugging a grey sweater on over his head and nearly out his bedroom door when he sees TJ’s beanie sitting on his desk where he’d dropped it the night before.It’s gonna be cold out, he rationalized, pulling the beanie on over his hair that he’d spent no time fixing, plus he needs to give it back anyway. Two birds, one stone.





	(When I'm Alone) I'd Rather Be With You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hi! I'm back by popular demand, tho idk why bc my writing is TERRIBLE. I'd like to take a moment to thank all of the super sweet people who sent me messages about Don't Worry (About It). It was my birthday when I posted it and all of the comments truly made my day. So, thank you!
> 
> This is a sequel to that fic, and may have another part coming later depending on how I feel about the ending. But for now, please enjoy!

 

     The screaming does not stop, but it does get more muffled. Holding her hand over the phone speaker, Andi cuts a glare toward her friend. “Buffy,” she scolds, “ _ Quiet _ .”

     Rolling her eyes, Buffy sits down on the sofa in a huff, arms crossed. “I just? Don’t get it. Andi, c’mon, it doesn’t make sense. Kippen? Really? What happened to Jonah? No offense.”

     “ _ Buffy _ .”

     “Okay, okay, fine. Whatever, just, FaceTime him. I need to see him if we’re going to be talking about  _ this _ .” She makes a wide gesture with her hand, her lips pulled back in a sneer. So, okay, she didn’t like TJ Kippen. At all. But couldn’t she at least hear Cyrus out?

     Speaking of the devil, Cyrus is half worrying that their phone call cut out when ANDI FACETIMING... flashes over his screen. He scrubs a hand over his face quickly, momentarily noting that he still had TJ’s beanie on, before hitting the accept button.

     Bracing himself, he says, “Hey?”

     Suddenly filling the screen, Buffy exclaims, “What do you  _ mean _ you have a crush on TJ?  _ TJ _ ?  _ Really _ ?!”

     He shrinks back, like a kicked puppy. And the look that flashes across Buffy’s face means she realized she shouldn’t have gone in guns blazing. She visibly deflated, handing the phone back to Andi so that they can both be seen on screen.

     “Do you want to start from the beginning?” Andi asks, in that soft voice of hers that means she’s trying to keep everything from blowing up again. Cyrus shrugs, then nods.

     Letting out a sigh, he tells them everything. About how he left the house when he wasn’t supposed to ( _ Cyrus! Why didn’t you  _ call _ us! _ ). He told them about how when he got to The Spoon he really did just plan on having a cup of cocoa, but then TJ showed up and sat down, and they talked and laughed and joked around. He told them how, in the small amount of time he’s spent with the other boy, he felt so light and happy and warm that it didn’t seem to matter that he had been breaking the rules. He told them about how he forgot his wallet at home, and how TJ payed for everything without even hesitating.

      “Woah, woah, wait. TJ did  _ what _ ?” Buffy looks confused, eyebrows drawn together. Cyrus rolls his eyes, and it’s such a Buffy move that he almost laughs.

     “He payed for me-“

     “TJ Kippen?  _ Payed for you _ . Are we talking about the same person here, Cy?”

     “Yes, Buffy. And well, I mean, he payed for himself too. But like, yeah. It’s was kind of sweet, actually. He’s a good guy when he wants to be.”

     “When he wants to be.” Buffy echos, looking no less confused.

     “And, uhm, hewalkedmehome.” This causes both girls to look at him like he’s grown an extra nose. They don’t say anything for a second, then two. Then three.

     And then chaos breaks out. Andi and Buffy are talking over each other, both trying to process what they just heard. All of this was so wild, so far out of the realm of possibility, that it made their brains hurt. Andi may or may not have dropped her phone. Twice.

     “Cyrus,” Andi begins slowly, like a mother asking her child where they found that bug they were playing with, “What do you  _ mean _ he walked you home?”

     “Well...” Cyrus shrugs, and the smile on his face is more apologetic than joyful. “I had to get home. Y’know, before my parents. And like, he didn’t want me walking alone in the snow, I guess.”

     “You guess?! Cyrus, this is huge!”

     “I mean, not really. It was just walking. Expect that, I don’t know, he gave me his beanie? Because I was cold? And I forgot to give it back and he didn’t leave right away when we got here and I think we almost kissed.” All of this is said in a rush, one long stream of conscious thought that Cyrus just has to get out of his mind or else he’s going to short circuit again. Andi and Buffy look shocked, not for the first time that night.

     Buffy leans closer to the screen, eyes narrowed, “Repeat that. I don’t think I heard correctly.”

     Andi softly hits the girl next to her. “Buffy, you know you heard him the first time.”

     “Okay,  _ fine _ ! But I still need him to clarify.”

     Cyrus sighs again, and his stomach is doing so many summersaults he doesn’t know  _ what _ emotion he’s feeling. “I mean, we didn’t really almost kiss. Except maybe we did? I don’t know! I just know that he was really close and I  _ wanted _ to kiss him. Or have him kiss me, or whatever. But then a car drove by, and I don’t know. He got spooked, I guess, because then he said goodbye really quick and just... left.”

     Both girls frown, Andi because she’s trying to figure out what’s going on still, Buffy because she feels slighted on Cyrus’ behalf, regardless of how she personally feels about the other boy. “He just left?” Andi asks, but it’s not really a question. More of a clarification. Cyrus nods.

     “Would you have let him kiss you if he tried?” Buffy asks carefully, like she’s not sure if that ground is safe to walk on or not. Cyrus shrugs again, falling back against his bed in the most dramatic fashion.

     “I don’t know.” He admits, phone held above him precariously, “Maybe? I think so.”

     “So you really like him then.” Once again, uneven ground. But he nods, looking anywhere but at his friends. He turns his attention back to the screen when Andi squeals.

     “Oh, Cy, that’s wonderful!” She says, a big smile on her face. She looks genuinely happy for him, and Buffy looks like she’s trying to, even though it’s difficult.

     And then Buffy looks like she realized something disastrous. “Okay, not to be all negative Nancy over here, but seriously, what about Jonah?”

     Cyrus frowns, not having thought about it before. It’s not like he had much time to worry about it to begin with. “I... don’t know, honestly. I think I might be over him.”

     “And on to TJ.” Andi looks like she’s going to hit Buffy again, harder this time, but Buffy throws her hands up in defense. “Hey,” she says, “It’s a legitimate question. I’m trying to clear things up.”

     Andi purses her lips, side-eyeing Buffy before turning her attention back to Cyrus. He shrugs again, something he’s been doing way too much of tonight. “Yeah. Yes, I think so.”

     Both girls nod, seemingly satisfied with his answer. “Okay. Yeah, okay, Cyrus. Well, this doesn’t change anything okay? We still love you. We can talk about this more tomorrow, at school, alright?”

     “Yeah, alright. We should probably get to bed, huh? I’ll see you guys at school.” He hangs up the call, dropping his phone down on the bed. He stares up at his ceiling, his head spinning. What was he getting himself in to? How was he supposed to deal with having  _ another _ unrequited crush on one of his friends? Why couldn’t he just turn his emotions off and not deal with this? Middle school was so confusing.

* * *

 

     It’s still snowing when Cyrus wakes up in the morning. The ground is a blanket of white, and he scrambles to get ready, knowing his mom will want to leave the house early in order to drop him off at school. He’s tugging a grey sweater on over his head and nearly out his bedroom door when he sees TJ’s beanie sitting on his desk where he’d dropped it the night before.

_      It’s gonna be cold out _ , he rationalized, pulling the beanie on over his hair that he’d spent no time fixing, plus he needs to give it back anyway.  _ Two birds, one stone _ .

     Stumbling down the last few stairs, Cyrus walks into the kitchen, where his mom and stepdad are eating breakfast. Or rather, his stepdad is eating breakfast and reading the paper, his mom is leaning against the counter, staring out the window and watching the snow with a cup of black coffee in her hand.

     “Morning,” He says, sitting down across from his stepdad at the table. He grabs the sole empty plate and starts piling it with scrambled eggs and a thick slice of whole-wheat toast. His parents greet him with warm smiles, and it’s almost enough to get rid of the guilt he carried from last night. It’s really wasn’t that big of a deal, right? They’d never even find out. Right?

     “We’re going to have to leave a little earlier today, Cy.” His mom says, an echo of his previous thoughts. He nods absentmindedly, cutting his toast into triangles before digging in. “Is that a new hat, honey? Where’d you get that?”

     Cyrus stills, a pit growing in his stomach.  _ Oh, you know, just from this cute boy I have a Big Gay Crush on. But you haven’t met him. And you probably never will.  _ Rather than voicing  _ any _ of that, he says, “A friend let me borrow it yesterday. Because I forgot mine at Andi’s a while back.”

     His mom hums, drinking her coffee. “Okay, well, don’t forget to give it back, honey.”

     “I won’t.”

* * *

 

     At school, Cyrus is ambushed at his locker. Heart jackhammering in his chest, he turns to meet his friends, who are looking at him expectantly. Well, Andi is looking at him expectantly, anyway.

     “So, are you gonna talk to him today?” She asks, linking her arm through Cyrus’ while they walk towards the cafeteria for breakfast. Cyrus glances over at her, unsure how to answer.

     “I mean, I have to give his hat back, so I guess.” He turns to Buffy, who’s standing on his other side, hands in her pockets. “Unless you can give it to him for me? Don’t you guys have pre-Algebra together?”

     Buffy shakes her head, “Oh no, you are not giving that thing to me. I love you, Cy, but you’re gonna have to deal with this issue on your own.”

     Cyrus drops his head back, sighing heavily for theatrical effect. “I guess so.”

* * *

 

     The cafeteria is relatively empty when they get there. A line has formed in front of the breakfast counter, and Andi goes to stand by a group of girls from her English class, quickly falling into a conversation while they waited their turn. Buffy steers Cyrus to a table, sitting down next to him. She props her head up in her hand, and stares.

     Her gaze is always weighted, but this takes heavy to another level. Shifting in his seat, he makes a point to stare back over his shoulder at Andi, happily chatting away in line. “You aren’t getting breakfast?” He asks, hoping it will distract his friend.

     It doesn’t work. “Andi’ll get enough for both of us. Now, spill.”

     “Spill what? I told you everything last night!”

     Buffy huffs, undeterred, “When did you start liking...  _ Him _ ? Has it been a while? Or like, did you just notice the other night? Or-“

     “Buffy,” Cyrus cuts in, setting his hand on her arm. He pulls the most serious face he can muster, hoping that it conveys everything he’s trying to, “You know as much as I do.”

     She frowns, “Really?”

     “Really. I’m trying to figure out all of this as much as you are.”

     “Probably more.” They both laugh at that, and it’s just the kind of break in tension that they needed.

     “Cyrus,” Buffy says, serious again, “You know that I support you, right?”

     He nods, “Of course.”

     “Okay good. But just so you know, if TJ ever does anything to hurt you, I’ll kill him.”

     “Buffy!”

     She rolls her eyes, “Fine, I won’t kill him. But I will  _ very sternly _ talk to him.”

     “ _ Buffy _ .”

     “Okay, okay! Honestly, Cyrus, as your best friend, I am legally obligated to defend your honor.”

     Cyrus laughs, “Legally obligated?”

     Buffy nods, her curls bouncing, “Yes. Remember that letter of recommendation from your mom? From like second grade?”

     “Buffy, we do not talk about that.”

     Laughing, she continues, “Well, either way she put it in there.”

     “She did?”

     Buffy nods, and as embarrassing as that letter was, Cyrus is kind of glad. Not that Buffy wouldn’t defend his honor, anyway. Just that the letter is one of the many reasons she would. It’s like their own little inside joke, covered in a layer of Horrible Embarrassment. They both laugh again, and Cyrus pulls Buffy in for a hug, overwhelmed by how thankful he is to have her in his corner.

     Andi walks over a little while later, sitting across from them. She and Buffy divvy up the food on her tray, chatting the whole time.

     A silence falls over the table when TJ walks up to them, his eyes trained on the floor. Andi and Buffy look at each other, then at Cyrus, who looks like he’s frozen in his seat.

     “Here,” he says, dropping a chocolate chocolate chip muffin in front of Cyrus. It’s wrapped in cling film, like it came from a home kitchen and... not from the school. “I, uh, felt bad for leaving so quick last night.”

     Cyrus looks up at him, and he doesn’t know if he should blush or cringe, “So you... brought me a muffin.”

     TJ shifts from one foot to the other, “Well, yeah, I mean, unless you don’t want it? It’s just the only thing I really know that you like besides baby taters and- is that my hat?”

     Cyrus’ eye grow wide, and his hand flys up to the beanie that’s still covering his hair. How did he forget about that? “Yes, oh geez, sorry I forgot to give it back and I meant to do it later but here you are! So, uhm,” TJ stops him from handing the beanie back, his hand gently placed over Cyrus’ so he can’t take it off. It’s like they freeze there for a moment, strained eye contact and shaky hands and all.

     And then Buffy clears her throat, and both boys visibly jump. Which, Buffy has to hold in a laugh at how utterly embarrassed TJ looks. So sue her, it’s a rare occasion.

     “Keep it.” TJ says, shoving both of his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie, “You look good. I mean- it looks good on you- I mean, Christ, it’s cold out just give it back later, Underdog.” There is no mistaking it this time, TJ obviously blushing now. The swoop of butterflies in Cyrus’ stomach feels kind of like a conformation and kind of like a sentencing all in one. He nods, and it feels like the spell that had fallen over them is broken. Because TJ just mumbles something about keeping the muffin, too, before going back to join his friends in the middle of the breakfast line.

     Cyrus turns back to face his friends, stunned. No one talks for a minute, and then- Andi and Buffy are talking over each other again. Cyrus looks at his phone for the time, hoping the bell will save him, but his mom got him to school so early that they still have ten minutes before first period.  _ Great _ .

     “Guys, guys, guys,” he holds up his hands, effectively quieting them down, “one at a time, please?”

     “What was  _ that _ ?” Andi asks first, “Was he flirting? Buffy, is that flirting?”

     Buffy makes a face, visibly uncomfortable, “How should I know?” Then, she drops her voice, mimicking the previous exchange, “ _ Keep it, you look good _ .” A look of realization passes over her face, and her eyes go wide, “Oh my  _ god _ , it was totally flirting.”

     “You guys,” Cyrus whines, dropping his head into his hands, “ _ Stop _ it.”

     Andi and Buffy look at each other again, and then they both burst into laughter. Cyrus whines again, feeling like everyone can tell what they’re talking about. Like everyone is watching.

     “We’re sorry, Cy,” Andi finally says, reaching over the table to pat his cheek gently, “It’s just so... cute.”

     He crosses his arms on the table in front of him, burying his face behind them. “It’s not cute. It’s embarrassing.”

     “Oh come on,” Buffy says, “You gotta admit the muffin thing was sweet. Even I’ll admit that.”

     Andi nods in agreement, “He even has a  _ pet name _ for you, Cy!”

     Cyrus looks up, wrinkling his nose, “It’s not really a pet name... is it?”

     Both girls roll their eyes, “Cyrus.”

     He sighs, “Okay, so yeah, he does. But it’s not like it means anything, really. At least, I don’t think it does.”

     “Not yet,” Andi says, slinging her backpack over her shoulder as the bell rings, “but it will. Trust.”

* * *

     The entire time in class, Cyrus is battling butterflies. He doesn’t have any classes with TJ until after lunch, but that didn’t stop his mind from wandering. What had even  _ happened _ that morning? Could he possibly feel the same way Cyrus did? Or was he really just being a good friend? Why were boys so  _ confusing _ ?

     “Psst.” Jonah, who was sitting beside him in science, nudges him to get his attention, “Cy, you okay?”

     Cyrus startles, looking over at the other boy quickly. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”

     Jonah nods, going back to copying the notes their teacher had written on the whiteboard. Cyrus sinks down in his seat, sighing. He tries concentrating on the task at hand, knowing that if he doesn’t get all of the notes down now it’ll just be more of a hassle later. But it’s difficult, because his mind keeps straying back to TJ, and how he smiled at him the night before. And how when he blushed, it made Cyrus feel all... fuzzy. And how he  _ told _ Cyrus that he thought _ he looked good _ . So much had happened in the past two days that it was dizzying.

     Needless to say, he didn’t get the notes written down before the bell rang. He would have to get them from Andi later.

* * *

 

     After school, Andi and Buffy are waiting for him on the steps outside when TJ intercepts him in the hallway.

     “Hey.” Cyrus says, blinking up at the other boy, who looks like he’s trying to catch his breath. Did he run to meet him or something?

     “Hi.” He ducks his head, running a hand over the back of his neck. He looks... embarrassed, actually. “Are we okay?”

     Cyrus tilts his head, confused, “What? Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t we be?” They fall into step with each other, and when they reach the doors Cyrus notices that Buffy and Andi are nowhere to be found. Did they-? His phone buzzes. They totally did.

     TJ shrugs, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk ahead of them. “I dunno. Sorry, for leaving last night. I, uhm, shouldn’t have done that.”

     Cyrus shakes his head, kicking at the snow on the ground, “Hey, no, it’s alright. It was late, anyway. You had to get home too.”

     TJ sighs, like he’s frustrated. Cyrus tugs on his sleeve, getting him to stop in his tracks, “TJ, are  _ you _ okay?”

     He scrubs at his face, making it more pink than the cold. “I don’t- I don’t know how to talk about it. Not yet.”

     Cyrus nods, starting to walk again, “Okay. No problem, we don’t have to.” They keep walking, somehow winding back at The Spoon, in the same booth from the night before.

     “Back again?” It’s Amber who hands them the menus this time. She was there the night before, but they hadn’t been in her section. Cyrus wonders why she switched, though he doesn’t ask her. It’s not like it really mattered, anyway.

     To Cyrus’ surprise, TJ thanks her before looking through the menu. It throws him off even more when she smiles, letting them know to ask for her if they needed anything.

     “Do you ever actually read the menu anymore?” TJ asks, looking up from the menu. Cyrus laughs, shaking his head.

     “Not really,” He answers, “But I told Andi before that it’s nice to know you have options.”

     “Huh,” TJ flips his menu closed, pushing it to the edge of the table, “I mean you’ve got a point.”

     “Right? I’m glad someone believes me.”

     TJ excuses himself for a minute, telling Cyrus what to order in case Amber comes back when he’s gone. Cyrus nods, taking out his phone then to see if either of the girls had texted him. There’s one notification in their group chat.

     BUFFY:

     Cy, are you still coming to Andi’s??? We’re watching Teen Beach Movie and Andi needs someone to sing with.

     CYRUS:

     I’m at The Spoon. Be there later.

     ANDI:

     With who???

     CYRUS:

     TJ. Details later. Promise!!

     Buffy sends back a series of Look ™ emojis, and Cyrus knows he’s going to hear about it later. TJ slides back into the booth, so Cyrus quickly shuts his phone off, slipping it back into his pocket. “Parents?”

     Cyrus shakes his head, “Just Buffy and Andi.” He’d called his parents on the walk over, letting them know where he would be and who he’d be with. They were both still working, but would be home by 5, so they said it would be fine for him to hang out with his friend.

 

     “Oh,” It’s like he’s trying to sound casual. Cyrus wonders why. Amber walks up to the table again, pen poised to jot down their order. Cyrus gets his usual, and a cup of hot cocoa, because why not. TJ orders a grilled cheese and a side of fries, doubling on the hot cocoa. Amber nods, and heads back toward the kitchen to put their order in.

 

     “Okay, wait,” Cyrus looks at the boy across from him, trying not to dwell too much on the soft smile TJ was giving him.  _It doesn’t mean anything it doesn’t mean anything it doesn’t-_ “Did you just call it hot chocolate?”

 

     TJ shrugs, leaning back in the booth seat. He knocks the side of his foot against Cyrus’, like he’s wanting more space, but he doesn’t let Cyrus move.  _Okay, weird_. “So? That’s what it is.”

 

     Cyrus looks offended. Like, actually personally offended. “Uhm, okay, no. No no no.”

 

     “Cy, it is.”

 

     “It’s hot cocoa.  _Cocoa_!”

 

     “What’s the difference?” This is obviously the wrong thing to say, because Cyrus looks like he’s gearing up to rant. Which, he is. He always is.

 

     “What’s the  _difference_? TJ, Teej, buddy, listen, the difference is that hot chocolate is a gross knockoff of hot cocoa, because it’s made with hot water and disappointment-“

 

     “Hot water and disappointment?”

 

     “I’m not done! Hot chocolate is not even nearly as satisfactory as hot cocoa, which by the way, is made with warm milk and love and all good childhood things. And- you’re laughing at me, why are you laughing?”

 

     TJ, bless his heart, has fallen silent, his shoulders shaking in the kind of way that says he laughed so hard he ran out of noise. What was so  _funny_? “Cyrus, you’re so  _serious_  about this.”

 

     Cyrus reaches over to swat at his shoulder, “This is serious!”

 

     And he keeps laughing. It’s both irritating and endearing. Cyrus moves to hit him again, but TJ catches his hand this time, holding it between his own.

 

     “Okay,” He says, “I believe you.”

 

     And wasn’t that  _just great_. The butterflies in Cyrus’ stomach were back, adamant about being felt. TJ hasn’t dropped his hand yet and  _oh god what if his palm is sweaty_? He’s so gentle about it, like Cyrus himself is a treasure, and that  _smile_  is making Cyrus’ brain all fuzzy and-

 

     Amber sets their order down, jolting both of them out of whatever moment they were just having. TJ ducks his head, pulling his plate toward himself. Amber gives Cyrus a knowing smile before she leaves, but what is it exactly that she knows?

 

     They eat in silence, occasionally stealing fries or baby taters from each other’s plates. It feels like the atmosphere has shifted, somehow, but Cyrus isn’t sure about what that means, exactly.

 

     Eventually, they talk again. It’s easier, now, for some reason. Like the whole things has been given a rosy glow, the kind that in a movie would signify the main characters starting to fall for each other. Not that they’re in a movie. Not that anyone besides Cyrus has done any falling.

 

     “I can pay this time,” Cyrus says, tearing off a piece from the grilled cheese slice TJ offered him, “I actually remembered my wallet.”

 

     “Oh, no, I’ve got this.” TJ replies, “I’m the one who asked you to hang out.”

 

     “But, TJ you payed last time. You don’t have to-“

 

     “Let me? C’mon it’s no big deal.”

 

     Cyrus hums, looking down as his hands where they’ve stilled mid-sandwich-tear. “Are you sure?”

 

     “Yeah, man,” TJ flashes that smile again, and okay, yeah, Cyrus melts. “My treat.”

 

     When he goes to pay, Cyrus leaves the booth and locks himself in the bathroom. He takes his phone from his pocket, firing off a series of texts to the GHC group chat.

 

     CYRUS:

     UPDATE!!

 

     CYRUS:

     TJ insisted on paying again.

 

     CYRUS:

     What does this mean???????

     Once again, Buffy sends back those damn Look ™ emojis, and it causes Cyrus’ stomach to flip flop.

     ANDI:

     DATE DATE DATE DATE DATE

     CYRUS:

     You think so??????

     CYRUS:

     Idk, what if he’s just being nice ://

     BUFFY:

     TJ? Nice? Two days in a row? Not likely.

     ANDI:

     Do //you// think it’s a date??

     CYRUS:

     Idk maybe???? Maybe not what if it’s just like a friend-date ?? 

     CYRUS:

     I mean, I think it’s just hanging out. Ya know like bros. Buddies. Friends.

     CYRUS:

     guys I really like him :(((

    BUFFY:

     We know, hon. We know.

     ANDI:

     CYRUS what are you doing texting us???? Go back to your boy!!

     CYRUS:

     NOT MY BOY.

     TJ is waiting by the booth when Cyrus finally calms down enough to walk back. He looks up from his phone, tucking it away in his back pocket. They fall into step as they leave the restaurant behind.

     “I’m never getting that beanie back, am I?”

     Cyrus looks up at TJ, visibly worried. He takes it off, running his fingertips over the hem. “Right, uh, here! I’m sorry I forgot about it last night, it was just late and you left so quickly and- Oh you’re joking.” Cyrus stops mid-ramble, noting the smirk on the other boy’s face. TJ was constantly smirking, but it was rarely directed towards Cyrus. Cyrus usually got a fully smile, and it make his heart skip. TJ looking at him at all made his heart skip.

     TJ takes the beanie from his hands, settling it back on his head. His fingers skim the nape of Cyrus’ neck briefly while he’s fixing the beanie, and it takes all of Cyrus’ willpower to keep from shivering. He doesn’t do too well.

     “Are you still cold?” TJ asks, and the concern on his face seems genuine. Why couldn’t he be this open when Buffy was around? She was never going to believe Cyrus when he told her about it later.

     “Not really.” Cyrus answers on instinct, then, “Okay, maybe a little. But it’s fine.”

     TJ frowns, and is shrugging off his outer jacket before Cyrus can protest. “Here,” He says, draping it over his shoulders. And Cyrus smiles despite himself, slipping his arms through the sleeves and zipping it up. The jacket is two sizes too large, so the sleeves fall over his hands, but it’s warm, so he’s not complaining. The fact that it smelled like TJ—a mix of fabric softener and maple syrup, like a candle from home, probably—didn’t hurt, either.

     TJ asks if he feels better, and Cyrus nods, almost giddy.

     “Y’know, I like this jacket. I think I’ll have to keep it.” Cyrus says, mock-serious.

     It has the exact effect that Cyrus wanted, because TJ is laughing again. When he smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkle and it’s so cute that it Cyrus thinks his smile could stop wars. Maybe, if he really tried. TJ says, “I’m starting to think this is just a ploy for you to steal all of my clothes, Goodman.”

     And it’s Cyrus’ turn to laugh, “You’re the one who keeps giving me things, Kippen. How do I know this isn’t part of your scheme to spend more time with me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets them. Because TJ goes quiet, and when Cyrus looks over to see what’s wrong, he looks scared. Or, not quite scared, but  _ worried.  _ Like the world just found out some big secret he was holding.

     “TJ? Hey, I was just kidding. I like spending time with you.”

     “Would that be bad?”

     Cyrus looks confused, trying to figure out how he lost the line of conversation so quickly. “Would  _ what _ be bad?”

     TJ shrugs, kicking at the snow, “If I wanted to. Y’know, spend more time with you.”

     “What? No, of course not. TJ you’re my friend.” But that’s not the right thing to say, either. Because TJ cringes, like it hurts him to hear. Does it? Does he  _ not _ want to be friends? But then, why would he say that he wants to spend  _ more _ time with Cyrus if he felt like that?

     “Right, yeah, your friend.” His voice is clipped, and Cyrus can’t figure out what it is he said that made him upset. He has to take three steps for every one of TJ’s because the other boy is walking so fast. Something in Cyrus breaks, but he refuses to show he’s upset, too, because it wouldn’t be fair for both of them to be unraveling. Not now. He’ll just wait and fall apart when he gets to Andi’s later.

     “TJ, c’mon,” Cyrus scrambles after him, still a step behind, “TJ,  _ wait _ .” He reaches out and grabs at the other boy’s sleeve, pulling him to a stop. He can’t keep his voice from wavering when he says, “What’s wrong? We’ve been having such a good time these past few days, haven’t we? I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought we were  _ friends _ .”

     TJ pulls his arm away, and Cyrus can tell that he’s trying so hard to keep himself together. It’s painful to watch, it’s painful to be apart of. “That’s just it, Cyrus! I don’t want to be friends. Not with you.”

     Cyrus recoils. He’s pretty sure it would have hurt less if TJ had just punched him. For what it’s worth, he might as well have. “You don’t?”

     “No! God, that’s  _ not _ what I meant.” TJ scrubs his hands over his face, his mind whirling. He doesn’t know how to explain it, and everything is so frustrating. “I just? Cy, I  _ like _ you. I really like you.”

     Cyrus takes a step back, feeling more confused than ever. He crosses his arms over his chest, partially to keep out the cold but mostly to hold himself together. He feels like, if he moves, he’s going to fall to pieces. He can’t do that, not out here. “You like me, but you don’t want to be friends with me.” It’s not a question, but a statement. A fact.

     “ _Fuck_ ,” TJ says, and the word is so abrupt and harsh falling from his lips that it startles Cyrus. “You aren’t getting it, are you? I  _ like you _ Cyrus. And I don’t want to be friends, I want to be more than that. I want to spend time with you and not have it hurt inside. I want to hold your hand at lunch and call our trips to The Spoon dates and- and, god you have my brain all screwed up, can’t you see that?”

     And,  _ oh _ . Oh,  _ that’s _ what he meant when he said he didn’t want to be friends. He didn’t want to  _ just _ be friends, he wanted to be  _ boyfriends _ . At least, that’s how Cyrus understood it. Oh, TJ Kippen wanted to be his boyfriend.  _ Oh _ .

     “TJ,” Cyrus’ voice is soft, too soft to break though TJ’s rambling, so he steps closer and gently pulls TJ’s hands away from his hair, placing his own on either side of his face. “TJ, I like you, too.”

     And his eyes grow wide. Like it’s a shock that Cyrus could like him back. Like he really was expecting Cyrus to be disgusted at the prospect being his crush. “What do you mean?”

     Cyrus laughs, just a little, “Now who’s being ridiculous? I like you, too, you dope. I have for a while.”

     Except, TJ doesn’t really believe him. Not completely. So Cyrus does something he never thought he’d have the courage to. Standing on his tip-toes, he closes the space between their lips. It’s a soft kiss, and it doesn’t last for more than a few seconds, but when he’s pulling away he’s greeted with the sappiest smile ever. “Believe me now?”

     TJ nods, like it’s all he can manage to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep in mind this was written in... maybe three days. If y'all see any errors, please let me know! I'll try to get to it as soon as I can. Also??? I have successfully written "TJ Kippen" so many times that it no longer looks like a real name. Lol.   
> Does that happen to anyone else? 
> 
> Tumblr: [heartlessromantik](http://heartlessromantik.tumblr.com)


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